How to Deal With Difficult Coworkers and Clients: The Ultimate Guide
Uh oh. It finally happened. You’re working with someone you don’t particularly like, and now you’re wondering how to deal with difficult coworkers (or clients) at work.
Maybe you’re dealing with a coworker who undermines you, or you’re interacting with a client who complains about everything. Maybe you’re just interested in learning more about workplace etiquette.
This post covers all of the above and more, so let’s dive right in.
How to deal with difficult coworkers: 7 steps to take
There’s no catch-all way to ensure a positive working relationship, but here are some things that can help:
Isolate the reasons someone’s stressing you
Get a better understanding of their role
Learn about their personality
Listen, then acknowledge their words
Practice straightforward feedback
Choose your battles
Protect your reputation with quality work
1. Isolate the reasons someone’s stressing you
We all have people who rub us the wrong way. Differing personalities, values, and goals create a variety of people and complex working relationships.
Still. it’s not enough to say, “I don’t like this person,” or, “this person is hard to work with.” These thoughts aren’t actionable, and they don’t resolve the situation. By isolating the reasons a coworker or client is difficult to deal with, you can start to address those issues one by one.
Does their tone bother you? Is their work consistently late? These are specific problems, and you can create a game plan based around them, rather than assuming it’s a lost cause.
2. Get a better understanding of their role
Once you’ve isolated why a professional relationship isn’t working, you can outline a solution. To do that, you need to know role your client or coworker has. In other words, what fuels their behavior?
Coworkers
If, for instance, your coworker is obsessive about a project, it may be because their advancement is directly tied to that project. Understanding the metrics people are judged by can be a huge sympathy-booster for you (even if you don’t really feel like being sympathetic).
Additionally, it’s helpful to understand what your coworker thinks their role is vs what it actually is. Many people are hired for one role and then given another (72% of millennials and Gen Zers reported this very phenomenon). And most of us have gotten one position only to gain numerous tasks we weren’t expecting.
If your coworker believes it’s their job to increase conversions or create new branding or stick to a budget, then it’s possible they’re feeling pressure to do that job. That’s not to say your feelings aren’t valid, though. Some people don’t play well with others, and that’s not on you. Still, it’s better for everyone if you can maintain a healthy professional relationship.
Clients
We all know the role of a client—they’re paying you to get a service or product they like. What more is there to understand?
Unlike a coworker, a client is doing the paying, or they’re responsible for spending company money wisely. This adds a unique pressure to the relationship you have. You’re the expert, but the financial responsibility largely falls on them.
In this situation, you need to understand the client’s goals. Why did they hire you; who’s bankrolling the project; what’s the timeline? You’ll likely know most of these factors going in, but it never hurts to have an open and honest dialogue about goals, as well as expectations. If you both understand what the other’s anticipating, you can reduce future problems.
3. Learn about their personality
Whether or not you put stock into personality tests or not, they can be an interesting insight into how people view themselves. Popular tests like the Enneagram and Myers-Briggs give people the power to define themselves, and that can be a powerful tool for you.
For instance, someone who falls on the introverted side of Myers-Briggs may have opinions they’d like to share privately, rather than in a meeting in front of their team. Forcing them to talk publicly could be negative for your relationship.
Myers-Briggs types
Source: Frances Roy
If someone tells you their personality type, don’t brush it off. “I don’t really believe in X,” doesn’t leave much room for connection.
Instead, you can approach these conversations with a “yes, and” improv philosophy, meaning you can use the conversation as a jumping off point. Ask questions like, “How does that impact the way you work?”
Enneagram types
Source: TestGorilla
4. Listen, then acknowledge their words
Have you ever spoken to someone only to feel like they’re waiting for their chance to talk? It’s frustrating when someone isn’t listening—but we ourselves may do it without even realizing it.
Luckily, you can easily become a better listener.
How to listen and acknowledge:
Make eye contact - Eye contact is a great way to make connection and show you’re truly engaged.
Don’t use your tech as a shield - Taking notes is fine, but let the people around you know. “I’m going to write this down, but I’m still listening,” is an easy way to communicate your intentions.
Nod and ask questions - When you understand your coworker or client, nod to show you’re following. If you disagree or don’t understand, ask qualifying questions to learn more.
Repeat what they’ve said, aka active listening- Used by HR teams, active listening is the act of repeating what your coworkers have said, and it can be a great way to build rapport. “Just to confirm, our goals for this project are X, is that right?”
5. Practice straightforward feedback
Most of us want to be nice, but sometimes being “nice” is actually not very kind. Telling a coworker something is fine—when in reality, it’s not—doesn’t help anyone.
In actuality, pointing out errors in projects can improve the final work. Plus, being straightforward may be better, even if it doesn’t feel that way in the moment.
Use “I feel” statements
So, how do you practice this kind of honesty without awkward conversations or hurting feelings? There’s no guarantee that won’t happen, but you can use “I feel” statements rather than accusations to create a vulnerable, thoughtful space.
Consider the following phrases: “You never choose my ideas during brainstorm. Why is that?” vs “I feel like my ideas don’t often get chosen, and I was wondering if you had feedback on how I can change that.”
Instead of forcing people to defend themselves, you’re taking a vulnerable stance and allowing room for feedback. You’re also asking for specific methods on how you can change a situation you don’t like.
Straightforward feedback is a pillar of the radical candor ideology, founded by Kim Scott. This methodology encourages trust and honesty in favor of building relationships, rather than quickly getting past an awkward situation.
6. Choose your battles
Sometimes, even after you’ve broadened your understanding and spoken in just the right way, your relationship with your fellow professional still won’t improve.
I know—it’s not ideal. In these situations, though, it’s important to pick your battles.
Take my job as a copywriter, for instance. If someone argues with me over a single word, is it worth my time to push back? It depends. If the word could be offensive to customers, then yes. However, if a client or coworker wants me to use the word “excellent” instead of “great,” then maybe I just need to move on and call it a day.
Remember, your time and energy are valuable resources. Don’t spend those resources on trivial disagreements if you don’t have to.
7. Protect your reputation with good work
Simply put, some people are hard to deal with. Compromise isn’t their strong suit, and they truly believe their ideas are best.
When this is the case, all you can do is focus on maintaining positive relationships with your other coworkers and clients, and continue producing excellent work. Because if you’re having problems with this person, chances are, other people are too.
Coworkers
Troublemakers tend to show themselves over time, and there’s no reason you have to go it alone. Share your concerns with your manager, because at the end of the day, your manager’s being paid to help you with these kinds of problems.
All you can do is to work toward your specific goals. Hopefully, your problem coworker will get feedback from their manager, too. And if this person causes company-wide issues, they may organically part ways from your team.
Clients
With clients, it can be a bit different. While you should absolutely work on maintaining professional relationships and good work, you may have the option of dropping a problem client.
Obviously, there’s no hard-and-fast rule here, since each client is different. Still, quality of life can be a lot more valuable than a high-paying gig. Without a troublesome client, you may have more time to focus on people who are genuinely interested in working with you.
How to deal with toxic coworkers and clients
There are difficult coworkers, and there are toxic coworkers. So, what’s the difference? And should you deal with them the same way?
The difference between difficult and toxic
A difficult coworker or client can complicate your day, and you may never have an easygoing conversation with them. Honestly, that’s just part of working with others. A toxic person, on the other hand, creates a hostile work environment for you (and possibly your team).
A hostile work environment is one that induces dread, puts you in a state of fear, causes intimidation—basically anything that would constitute as harassment. If someone regularly belittles you, lies to you or about you, gaslights you, or wields control for personal gratification, you likely have a toxic coworker.
There can be a number of reasons for this behavior. We talked about the importance of understanding personality types; it’s just as important to recognize the capacity for personality disorders.
Toxic personalities in the workplace: What can you do?
Now, let me start with a few disclaimers. I am not a medical or mental health professional, and we should never diagnose someone else without the proper credentials.
With that said, there are a few important warning signs that can indicate social abnormalities, such as narcissism, antisocial behavior, and sociopathy.
The warning signs:
Difficulty or inability to empathize
Reckless behavior
An inflated sense of self or ego
A strong sense of entitlement
Charming in a group but a bully 1:1
Compulsive lying
Consistently finding ways to get out of work
Difficulty maintaining stable relationships
What you can do
With people like this, the best thing you can do is to protect yourself. When you see these warning signs, take a step back. Don’t get overly involved in their personal lives or any situations that require a lot of your energy, and don’t offer personal information they can use against you. While this may sound paranoid, you’re simply creating a boundary that protects you from potential issues.
This doesn’t mean you need to be rude, and it doesn’t mean you can’t have a symbiotic working relationship. Simply put, work stays at work, and you don’t get involved with this person’s personal life.
Take this example from Ask a Manager: In the example, a manager has an employee she likes, “Miranda,” with whom she’s sustained a positive working relationship for several years.
Then, she gains a second employee, “Laura,” who attempts to turn her against Miranda. There are very few boundaries between the manager and Laura, and Laura also convinces the manager to hire her friends. Afterward, Laura quickly creates a hostile environment for Miranda, turning the new employees against her.
In the end, the manager loses multiple employees because of the events that transpire, and she eventually had to sell her company (you can read about it in the update).
If this manager had realized Laura was a bully, things might have gone differently. However, bullies can be very charming, so it’s important to judge people based on their work, rather than their whirlwind personalities and narratives.
How to deal with a toxic manager
This is a bad combo and maybe the worst possible work scenario. If your manager is creating a hostile work environment for you, the best thing you can do is to find a new position, either in the company or preferably, elsewhere.
HR can help to an extent, but some people recommend consulting a lawyer first. The thought process here is—HR works for the company, but a lawyer would be working for you.
Since your manager has a position of power, a hostile work environment can be especially harmful. Workplace abuse can exacerbate depression, sleep disturbances, and musculoskeletal injuries. Prioritize your mental health if at all possible, and seek a professional’s care if you can.
In situations like this, you can also consider asking friends, colleagues, and networks for help. This can be as simple as saying, “I’m actively looking for a new role, and I’m open to X, Y, and Z.” In short, let people know you’re looking.
Even if you don’t land the dream job, it can still be a stepping stone to something better. Plus, if it’s easier on your health, then it’s an invaluable choice.
Conclusion
We all have to deal with difficult coworkers and clients sometimes; luckily, you don’t have to do it without a plan. And if you’re dealing with a hostile person or harassment at work, remember to take care of yourself, getting professional help if you need it. Still, don’t be afraid to look for a better situation—there are lots of other jobs out there. You deserve one that prioritizes your mental health and positive working relationships.
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